Understanding When to Stop ‘Doing’ Using Polyvagal Theory

In today's fast-paced world, stress has become an ever-present companion, affecting our physical, mental, and emotional well-being. However, amidst the chaos, there lies a beacon of hope in understanding the intricate workings of our nervous system through the lens of Polyvagal Theory, as championed by Deb Dana in her book, Anchored: How to Befriend Your Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory

In Deb Dana's "The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy", one of the most impactful concepts is the understanding of the Polyvagal Theory itself. This theory revolutionizes our comprehension of the nervous system's role in our responses to stress and trauma. It explains how our bodies instinctively react to threats and how these reactions influence our emotions, behaviors, and relationships. By recognizing the three organizing principles of the autonomic nervous system—safety, connection, and regulation—therapists and individuals can learn powerful strategies to regulate their nervous system, cultivate safety, and foster healthier relationships. Dana's work equips both therapists and clients with practical tools to navigate stress and trauma, promoting healing and resilience.

So, how do we discern when to stop, when to listen to the whispers of our body signaling overwhelm? Polyvagal Theory offers valuable insights into recognizing these cues. When stress transitions from a state of healthy challenge to one of strain, our nervous system activates the sympathetic "fight or flight" response, manifesting in heightened arousal, muscle tension, and a sense of urgency. Conversely, when stress becomes overwhelming, our parasympathetic "shutdown" response kicks in, leading to feelings of disconnection, numbness, and fatigue.

Learning to attune to these physiological signals allows us to navigate the delicate balance between pushing our boundaries and preserving our well-being. It's about cultivating self-awareness and self-compassion, honoring our limits while fostering growth. This involves developing a repertoire of self-regulation techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, and grounding exercises, to recalibrate our nervous system and restore equilibrium.

Moreover, knowing when to stop extends beyond individual self-awareness; it encompasses cultivating a supportive environment that respects boundaries and prioritizes holistic well-being. It involves fostering open communication, setting realistic expectations, and advocating for self-care practices within our communities and workplaces.

Choose one of the five exercises below now, or feel free to join me again when you are in a better place to fully commit and just let yourself stop.

Grounding Exercise:

• Sit comfortably or stand with your feet firmly planted on the ground.

• Take a few deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body.

• Begin to notice the sensations in your body, starting from your toes and slowly moving up to your head.

• Name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.

• This exercise helps anchor you in the present moment, grounding you and reducing feelings of stress or anxiety.

  5-4-3-2-1 Senses Exercise:

  • Find a comfortable position and take a few deep breaths to center yourself.

  • Look around and name five things you can see in your immediate environment.

  • Notice four things you can touch or feel with your hands.

  • Listen for and identify three sounds you can hear.

  • Notice two scents you can smell in your surroundings.

  • Pay attention to one thing you can taste or one taste that stands out to you.

  • This exercise helps bring awareness to your senses, grounding you in the present moment and shifting your focus away from stressors.

    Belly Breathing:

    • Find a quiet and comfortable space to sit or lie down.

    • Place one hand on your chest and the other hand on your belly.

    • Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose, allowing your belly to rise as you fill your lungs with air.

    • Exhale slowly through your mouth, feeling your belly fall as you release the air.

    • Continue to breathe deeply and rhythmically, focusing on the rise and fall of your belly with each breath.

    • This exercise activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

      Progressive Muscle Relaxation:

      • Sit or lie down in a comfortable position and close your eyes.

      • Starting with your toes, tense the muscles in your feet as much as you can for a few seconds, then release and relax.

      • Move upward to your calves, thighs, abdomen, chest, arms, shoulders, neck, and face, tensing and relaxing each muscle group sequentially.

      • Focus on the sensation of relaxation spreading throughout your body with each release of tension.

      • This exercise helps release physical tension and promotes a sense of calm and relaxation.

        Safe Place Visualization:

        • Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths to relax.

        • Imagine a place where you feel completely safe, calm, and at peace. This could be a real place you've been to before or a completely imaginary place.

        • Use all your senses to vividly imagine the details of this safe place—the sights, sounds, smells, textures, and even the temperature.

        • Spend a few moments fully immersed in this safe place, allowing yourself to experience a sense of comfort and security.

        • When you're ready, slowly open your eyes, carrying the feelings of safety and relaxation with you.

        • This exercise helps activate the soothing system of the autonomic nervous system, providing a mental escape from stressors and promoting a sense of calmness and security.

After trying out one of the exercises, I'm curious to hear about your experience. How did your visualization, meditation, or stopping practice go? Were there any challenges you encountered, like difficulty focusing or feeling like it didn't work as expected? Or did you find it surprisingly easy to engage with the exercise?

When you delved into the practice, what sensations did you notice in your body? Were there any particular emotions that arose during the process—perhaps feelings of calmness, frustration, or something else entirely?

Exploring these aspects can offer valuable insights into your experience and help tailor future practices to better suit your needs. So, feel free to share any thoughts or reflections you have from your practice session.

In essence, the journey towards knowing when to stop is an ongoing process of self-discovery and self-care, grounded in the principles of Polyvagal Theory. It's about embracing the ebb and flow of stress, harnessing its transformative potential while safeguarding our health and vitality. By honoring the wisdom of our nervous system and cultivating a culture of resilience and compassion, we can navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience.